By The Troll
This is the championship week in most leagues, so it should make for a very interesting holiday. Also, due to the fact that it’s championship week, you probably will want to ignore my suggestions altogether. Here is a look at my awesome picks from last week.
QB Eli Manning – 186 yards, TD, INT
QB Jake Plummer – 259 yards, 2 TDs
RB Ryan Moats – 78 yards, TD
RB TJ Duckett – -2 yards
RB Marion Barber III – 30 yards
WR Jimmy Smith – 70 yards
WR Bobby Engram – 95 yards
QB Michael Vick – 122 passing yards, 2 INTs; 35 yards rushing
QB Tom Brady – 258 yards, 3 TDs
RB Willis McGahee – 36 yards, TD
RB Chris Brown – 56 yards
RB Jamal Lewis/Chester Taylor – 142 yards, TD (Lewis: 105; TD)
WR Chris Chambers – 34 yards, TD
WR Derrick Mason – 97 yards
Thanks for not firing me yet, Max. I’ll try to do better this week. At least that won’t be very difficult.
Matt Hasselbeck, Seahawks – In his last four games, Hasselbeck has thrown 10 touchdowns, compared to only two interceptions. This is a must-win game for the Seahawks, so don’t expect them to call off the dogs even when Jim Sorgi and company enter the game.
Brooks Bollinger, Jets – Bollywood has been shining as of late and he should do very well against a Patriots team that has nothing to play for, aside from screwing the Jets out of a high draft pick. And although they have been better lately, the Pats still rank 30th in the NFL against the pass. Bollinger will be the last player to ever have his face pasted on the Horse Trailer.
Rudi Johnson, Bengals – Rudi is a top-five fantasy back and should be in your lineup each week. Especially this week against the worst run defense in the league.
Thomas Jones, Bears – Having just been lit up by Jamal Freakin’ Lewis, the Packers run D is going to have a tough time containing Jones, who gained 93 yards against Green Bay three weeks ago, his highest total since October.
Jerome Bettis, Steelers – Fatbody was brought back to Earth by the Vikings last week, as he rushed for only 16 yards. However, the Browns rush defense is near the bottom of the league, and he ate up the Brownies like an all-night buffet in their first meeting.
Chad Johnson, Bengals – Does Nate Clements even care anymore? After being owned by Chris Chambers and last week being humiliated by 82-year old Rod Smith, apparently not. Expect to see # 85 dancing with a deer multiple times Saturday.
Keenan McCardell, Chargers – The Chiefs pass defense is non-existent. In what figures to be a shootout, starting the Chargers’ number one receiver is a no-brainer.
Peyton Manning, Colts – It is unknown how much Manning will play on Saturday. The one thing that is known is that you cannot entrust a guy that may only play for 15 minutes with your fantasy life.
Brett Favre, Packers – Bears defense, yadda, yadda, yadda. Favre blows.
Julius Jones, Cowboys – Do you really want to start any Cowboys after last Sunday’s debacle with Washington? They looked like the 49ers out there. Needless to say, Jones has no business starting for your team against Carolina’s fourth-ranked run defense.
Edgerin James, Colts – See Manning, Peyton. However, if you are desperate, Dominic Rhodes is worthy of a gamble.
Donald Driver, Packers – Now that Samkon Gado is out for the season, there are no Packers with fantasy value left. Driver has not caught a touchdown in the past four games, and if weren’t for a two touchdown outburst against the Vikings on November 21st, Driver would be scoreless since October 23rd. Coincidentally, that was also against the Vikings. Driver has just five scores this season. Maybe he should petition the league to allow the Packers and Vikings to play 16 times a year.
Plaxico Burress, Giants – After getting shut down in a game where everyone else on his team explodes, it does not bode well for Burress against the red-hot Redskins and Shawn Springs. Just ask Me-Shawn.